I'm really into asian looking animals
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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