i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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