My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
