Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
