We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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