I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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