The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
