Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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