I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
