I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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