we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
