Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My feet surprised me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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