Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
