im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
