"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
