there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
