I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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