its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
