I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
