he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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