Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
