One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
