so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
