Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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