i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can I color on your dick again?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
