I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I supernannyed him into submission
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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