I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
