That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
