12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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