Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
