My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
