He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
