would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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