Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
