So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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