ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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