First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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