woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
