he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
