A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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