White coat. Heels.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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