At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
