hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
