i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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