White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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