You really coming over, don't trick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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