So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
