I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
