so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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