She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
