i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
