this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We had sex on a dog bed..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
