I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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