There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
