Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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