I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
