in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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