First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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