dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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