Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
