I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
